Second to none.

First post since June of last year. 

It's a bit odd to have come back to the place where posts were usually penned down as a result of circumstances and emotions that surrounded me, and reading back on those pieces remind me of  versions of me that I barely remember. It's been a long time since I started writing this blog of sorts, and reflecting back on the previous entries, this is what I deduce of myself 2 years back:

-Childish

-Whiny

-Bitchy

-Spiteful

-Weak

-Selfish

These are just a fraction of what I really thought when I read my previous accounts. Looking back, I used to think of myself as some high and mighty version of an ideal person on this earth. My thoughts and actions were, for lack of a more fitting word, shallow. Over the two years, with more experiences and consequences, I have realized the lack of character in me and now, hopefully, would have by now filled the void in more ways than others. In other words, I HAVE CHANGED. YES PEOPLE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

So what was the point of my self realization? The point is I believe it is time to put a hold on this blog and start afresh (is blogging still a thing?). 

And if you do seem to go back and read this blog from the bottom, keep in mind that this was a part of me that I have now hidden far away in the abyss of my soul. Don't judge my 19 year old version, it happens.
And if you do seem to go back and read this blog from the bottom, keep in mind that this was a part of me that I have now hidden far away in the abyss of my soul. Don't judge my 19 year old version, it happens.

Also I no longer have fancy long hair if someone still remembers them.


So until then, laters.

Sooner than later.

Hey guys. It had been a long time since I wrote a post here.

So for those who don't know, I had suffered from a stroke on May 28th and I didn't even know about it. How? That is because I had it in my sleep. Freaky.

So apparently, I spent the next three days not giving a second care of what had happened to me purely because I didn't know what had happened, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I lived my life normally, with the left side of my body totally weak and incapable of walking or gripping. It was just my family and my professor and his wife who took me to the hospital on Friday when my 'food poisoning' tact wasn't convincing to them. 

Apparently, the doctors don't know the reason of a stroke, so we all are on the same page. However, we do know that the stroke occurred in the deep part of my brain, and it missed most of the coordination parameters of my body, ie, being significant that it is, it hasn't affected my cognitive ability, or has affected my speech, vision, hearing, taste etc. I had to undergo a million tests, from blood work to ECG to TEE to loads of ultrasounds; thankfully all were negative. Though my initial CAT scan was negative too, subsequent CAT scans were negative too, only the MRI showed it was a stroke. Apparently, no blood vessel was blocked to my brain, and I don't have a hole in my heart, there seems to be a blood clot that traveled to the right pons of my brain through somewhere (no head injury) and caused the stroke. Most people are surprised, with no fault of theirs, to believe I had a stroke this young while I was completely active and normal for 20 years of my life. Surprising how things work.

Currently, I'm in rehab to 'fix' the left side of my body, amongst a lot of older brave souls who have had a stroke or some neurological episode and are trying to get back to their normal lives to their children or their dogs.

I'm grateful and would like to thank all the people and friends who have supported me, or have prayed for me during this time. I would especially like to thank the staff of AnMed Hospital in Anderson for the care they provided me. A special mention, in no particular order, to Maureen, the head nurse at the hospital, to Sarthak Gupta and Anshul Goel for spending their nights in the hospital with me when none of my family was here, and to my dad, who flew across in the Atlantic, changing his plans and schedule to meet me at this period.

Oh Humanity, I weep for thee.

I simply cherish my hiatus periods. They serve me stories, facts and expressions of human nature that no film can truly bring out. This reminds me of the analogy I made with a couple of friends (yes, I still consider you friends) about how our life was one big movie and how we are merely actors. Yes, it is derived from the whole stage-actors statement of one of Shakespeare's plays. As time has progressed, I haven't forgotten about this idea and things get more and more analogous to the same.

Let's make an attempt to write a scene for this movie.

Commons. 

Second bedroom on the left, Apt #232. 9:30 am.

A boy trapped in a man's body sits on his bed, things cluttered around him. He remembers the phrase. 'A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind'.

"Fuck."

He mouths the word filling the air around him with the stale breath of yesterday's chicken teriyaki. It reminds him of the night and all what it brought with it.

Flashback: Last Night, 11:30 pm.

He stepped out of his room to see the apartment filled with familiar faces. Faces that once surrounded him, faces that used to to bring a smile on his face. They still do, however the smile is strained and almost forced. He goes on about his business and retires back to his room, listening to the chatter of the company he never had.

Back to present day.

He steps out to walk to the same way he walked yesterday, with the scene different, yet seemingly familiar. He recounts the flashes of memory from yesterday, sighs with a heavy heart, and pours himself a bowl of cereal. He looks around to see himself surrounded by the spoils of yesterday despairingly and straightens on the pillows to make himself some room to enjoy his daily bowl of breakfast. He could hear the others sleep; he doesn't listen for the heavy breaths, they just creep into his ears swaying the hair of his ears. Like a programmed robot, he finishes his cereal in a flash and proceeds to wash the remains of this meal when he hears some soft footsteps on the rugged carpet of the apartment. The last piece of the morning's jigsaw. The day in the apartment had begun.

Living room, Apt#232, 2 pm.

The rustle and bustle of the day had begun. The other three were in the living room working on matters that seemed alien to him. He proceeded nonchalantly to attend to matters of his own when he hears the words come out of the bespectacled gentleman. The words themselves were nothing novel, though the tone seemed to be full of spite and envy for those who weren't present in the room.

"Interesting."

There was a moment of exhilaration followed by constant moments of melancholy. It had surprised him when he had heard the syllables come out of the person's mouth. It wasn't the words per say, but it was the audience they were spoken to with the decible levels of outright despise. This was an everyday activity, bashing on people not present. He was used to hearing tidbits every now and then, but they had become a regular topic of discussion. The other two weren't really interested and replied with muffled laughs just to end the flow of conversation. It wasn't to be. He leaves the room, befuddled about the events he had witnessed. He tries to ponder over the statements delivered, questioning the strengths of the bonds relationships hold and what they mean to people.

Monologue

"Are we just tools for people around us, or are we much more? Is our worth limited to our utility or is it defined otherwise? Have the evils of the society made us the way we are or is it based on the environment we are striving in? Who are the real victims? Those who are spoken about or those who speak it? How is one able to have a two face personality and use it interchangeably second after second? How can such a person live with himself? Questions and no answers."

Second bedroom on the left, Apt #232. 9:30 pm.

A wave of memories suddenly crash into his mind. He witnesses the events that perspired once come to life again. He sees the heroics of that one day which made the circle ever so complete. The scene changes, and is now a rush of images of the good times he had in the apartment, the little gestures that bought a smile to those who were on the receiving end, the promises of longevity that was never to be, the idea that this wasn't your regular period of existence and that it was much more of than that. The series of images continue chronologically, now hazy and difficult to interpret. Does the mind have two versions of it? Or is the picture distorted by emotions?

Monologue II

"Where did it go all wrong? How did things get so blatantly miserable? How, after all this time, was it so different over a short span? Was it something he had done? Surely not! Are things not what they seem? Were the signals misread? Did the egoistical part of my mind perceive it differently, or did it make the same things become different? Was it too late, or is this the end towards a new beginning? Are the ruins of this a foundation for a new building, or do I get to fix it one more time?"

This is sort of an idea I had for a screenplay. Mostly based on emotions and thoughts. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


Also New York was fun, I'll share a few of the photos here as well.

Excelsior.

There are days that make you smile and then there are days that seem to offer nothing out of the ordinary.
There are moments that make you feel alive and there are moments that make you question your purpose in life.
There are seconds that pass without a moment's notice and there are seconds that might alter the course of your life.

Every person in the world goes through these periods and only some are able to recognize the dire importance of each of them. Those who are unaware do not necessarily miss out on anything, however, they fail to realize the importance of of the little things that matter. And those who, in fact, do the contrary allow themselves to enter a realm of possibilities wherein making the 'right' decision is harder than Hercules' seven labors.

This is what I, as an individual, am going through. I seem to have realized the little, not petty, things that happen to surround me and take them into perspectives that were unavailable to my cognitive mind a little while ago. It has served me duel purposes:
1) It has helped me explore the minds of those around me and to exaggerate, the minds of human kind in general. It has helped me decipher how individuals in this rat-race world go on to act as they act, speak what they speak and do what they do.

2) It has also molded my opinion of the same exact people which is quite in contrast to what I thought it was. And to make it crystal clear, contrary is not always a negative term. I might not be a Psych major or anything, but I love to observe the world as a part of a huge, still not defined, experiment in my head.

Excelsior, which literally means upward or onward, has been re-introduced in my mind by the highly acclaimed movie Silver Linings Playbook. I read the term first when I used to spend my time reading extensively about Marvel Comics, particularly about Stan Lee. As in the movie, the word always gives me a positive vibe and a rush of adrenaline when I read/hear it. I try to inculcate this positiveness in my life as being positive comes only second to helping those around you in one's life. This is the first life lesson I had from my mother. To see the 'silver lining' in the darkness that surrounds you gives you the sheer determination to walk through it towards a golden sky (LFC reference).
Sidebar: The positive terms are always shiny.

Everything one faces makes one door close and a makes another one open as if there is a relay system attached. There is a relay system, it is you. To go onward towards the open door is the force one needs to put in to make the relay to move. The causal effect of the force is the encouragement, the disappointment and  and the will to strive forward.

Sidebar: The Physics checks out.

This is the story of my weekend.
Excelsior!

My name.

So I was feeling really jobless after completing a couple of assignments.

So I made this: Well, it's amazing.

The white text is a link, in case you don't get the obvio-oooous.

Given up.

This is probably the last post of the series of what I used to write about. Don't get me wrong, this blog isn't over, no, not by a long shot. However, what is over is the ongoing posts about The One and his life. The One doesn't breathe the same air as we do anymore. His time had come, he lived a fulfilling journey, and now it was time to go. He did, however, wanted me to give his appreciation to you all who have stuck out till the very end.

He left me with a message to give to you. It goes as follows:

It had been a wonderful journey and I do not regret one bit of it. I wish it could have been the way I would have intended, but life is never so, so wasn't this. There are hardships and turmoils in everyone's life but one needs to take them in his/her own stride for these events make you the person people would remember you as. Relationships will be built and relationships will be broken, it is a part of the journey. Strengthen the bonds that would stick to you through thick and thin and cherish the moments of those who were never meant to last. For some old structures need to be broken down to make room for new ones, try preserving the ones that need it in their own right and keep them forever in the heart, mind and soul of the city that is you. I haven't left, not yet, I need you to remember the good and forget the bad memories and forgive me for my fallacies towards you or towards the ones you love.

The One.

That's all folks.

Another week.

I really should post here now and then. If it were not pinned to my bookmarks bar, I would have definitely forgotten about it a long time back. Now, it's been a week back to school and it's not half bad. Saying that I mean I have quite a bit of coursework lined up for the next 4 months and the thought of the same is daunting.

It feels good to be back to Clemson, but like they say, there's no place like home. And they are usually right, whomever they are. I miss a lot of people back home which goes on to say that I need to make acquaintances and friends to miss here as well when I'm back there.

Football was good when I was back home. I met a few people I wanted to and met a few others as well. I played a few days back here as well and it was great. I need to get my lazy ass up more regularly than just reminiscent about that one day. However, it has been one week, so I can cut myself some slack. On the support front, Liverpool's not doing that well, the usual for a lot of time now, but I believe the rough patch is almost over with the improvements we have been making. YNWA.

 I need to take out my camera and go out for a bit. It simply has been too long and sometimes it saddens me for not pursuing this as much as I should. The coming weekend deserves some of this passion I have. Probably whether the next entry might be the shots I have taken, it's yet to be seen. I have been re-decorating my room, making it look like more of a college-y.

Everyone else have been good. Moonface and Sticky are good, so are my roommates. I believe others are doing good as well for I haven't got a clue what they are up to. The One is okay too, sends in his greeting with a nod via the webcam. Nothing spicy or rant-ful about this post for I have been taking the passive aggressive approach to most things/people, however may so you want to take it. I should be returning to a bit of studying now, with some juice in hand and some books in front to read. This is for now.